My New Year's Resolve

Things that I want to believe I can start or stop doing.

Resolution #1 (And the pains it took to get me there...)
The new year causes a lot of things to happen for lots of people. Talk of New Year's resolutions gets old really fast, and I'll tell you off the bat, my resolve has nothing to do with boring the likes of you. (That means I can bore you or I can not...t makes no difference to me.)

Well, so here's what actually got me thinking: back in October, when the Shane and Erin Book of the Month Club was just getting underway, I bought myself the Daily Show Day Calendar. Ya ya, who buys a calendar in October? Me, okay? Are you satisfied? Well, I was behind a little, and didn't start tearing off pages until I got back to London. And I stood there for a long time, wondering what I should do with them. Now there is a stack of 12 or so, just sitting on top of my book shelf--messy as all get out. Moreover, everything that is on the calendar is in the America book, which Shane bought me for Christmas. So it's not as though I will never be able to find the quotes and whatnot if I throw them out.

And I couldn't figure out what my affiliation to these pieces of garbage is. For the life of me, I don't know why I can't just get rid of them. Part of me is a little sad that so much paper is being wasted, but to be honest I don't let myself dwell on things like that...it's not that hard to recycle after all.

Yesterday, I was doing some reading and watching tv and my mom came in, all excited and asked me if I read her Chicken Soup calendar story yet. Then she brought it in and stood over me until I read it and smiled up at her and told her it was cute. And I thought to myself, How crazy is she? Then went back to my reading.

So it finally hit me, when I went into the kitchen today: my mother makes me do it. I want to keep those calendar stories because my mother is a pack rat. Tried and true, she is pained by the mere suggestion that she is keeping too much junk because she is not only a pack rat, she is also in major denial. It's only the fifteenth of January, and already she has put about ten Chicken Soup calendar quotes up on the fridge. Oh, so she threw out five? That's bad but not so bad, right? Well, no...Saturday and Sunday count together.

And that of course, brings me to my first New Year's resolution: I'm going to actively embrace my pack rattiness. That means, I won't worry about why I keep things or even where I keep them...I will just be proud of myself for keeping them. Go me.

Don't worry they won't all be that long.

Resolution #2: Dedicated to every body else
Now, here I am, having a few drinks while I type away. The tv is playing some movie I don't want to watch and no one is saying any thing I'm very interested in hearing. And then, Andrew dropped my booze on the concrete floor! Oh my goodness gracious, so much for creative juices...and here is it, number two: I'm not going to let any body I wouldn't trust with my life handle my alcohol. That means that if you have any plans to slip me a little date rape, you better be damn convincing and a completely trustworthy, unclumsy kind of wonderful. Nothing less will do. My faith was shattered like the bottle, and even if you put all the pieces back together, it would never be the same again.

Resolution #3: Boo to Listening
I think more than anything I am tired of advice. I'm really exhausted from hearing other people tell me what I think and what I feel and what I should be doing differently. I know that sounds harsh, but the fact is the people who offer that advice don't know how to live their own lives, so they think they can control mine. How annoying. Even if they know better, sometimes I think I'd rather stay in the dark. That means, ignorance is bliss--for real this time. And I'll make it fair, if I ask you a question, you don't have to spare my feelings, but for the love of Pete's starving family, don't take it upon yourself to tell me something because you think I need to know it. Let me decide. If I want to or need to know something, then I will probably find out, with or without you as the case may dictate. You can count on the same from me, unless otherwise stated in section V.ii of our friendship/enemy agreement. Got it?

Resolution #4: My Life is a Closed Book
Pretend it doesn't even exist. That'll make things a lot easier on me...I can't have any secrets if I don't have any...what is the opposite of secret? We'll try it another way: I won't be hiding anything, if I am hiding everything...Yes, twisted logic, that is resolution number 4 and 5.

Let me know your resolutions too. I know you have some good ones. Let me get you started: resolution #1 for every body but me...listen to more goo. I said something I can't touch cuz I always want way too much anyway...then you might know what it is I'm talking about.