When I was training Jeff at Ford last year, he told me that what he really wanted was clothes that said, "What the fuck?" on them. All over them. A hat. Socks. An entire wardrobe. And he only wanted to wear it to Ford because that was all he thought when he was there.
Now, Rory and I aren't supposed to say that magic expletive, so this is my "what the crap" blog, dedicated to all the things in my life that make me say, "what the [you know what]?!"
1. "Yo." Rory makes fun of everything I say. Everything. So I've taken to deliberately saying things that I know Rory wants to make fun of. For example, Rory does not like those who say "yo," so I asked him to get a crink out of my shoulder (it hurt because truck wheels are bigger than me) and when he failed, I went up to him while he had a great big mouthful of water and exclaimed, "It's still broke, yo!" And he joked on his water and yelled at me, "WHAT THE CRAP!"
2. Rory threw up in the annex and now he doesn't have to clean it. He also got Lyndsay, Tim, and Ashlee off of cleaning duty. The puke just sat there in the annex for like a week. Sounds backwards to me. Shouldn't somebody clean up that puke? Perfect example of fordian what the crappism.
3. Lyndsay made Rory mad and that made Rory psychic. Rory told Lyndsay his new job for the summer would be to move flat trucks around. Today Lyndsay had to count every flat truck in the building. Well over 300, so why can't we ever find any? What the crap.
4. I have a new arch-nemesis. His name is Ryan Brady and I hate him because he is tall. Today, I asked him if he would do me a quick favour. He said, "What's that?" and I replied, "Could you just come over here and be tall for me for a minute?" and he laughed at me. What the crap. He also lied about having a knife. I told him later that he is the very reason that I hate people. He is the perfect arch-nemesis because he takes my insults without trying to change my mind or make my life miserable. My plan is working. What the crap? Nothing ever worked for me before.
5. I'm not invited to the Book Expo. I spent all of May waiting for June because the Book expo takes place in that month--not invited. What the crap.
6. I met Brendan's parallel self. He is just like Brendan but about twenty five years older. His name? Brendan Smith. Creepy eh? What the crap. Brendan number two is a sexist firefighter who couldn't get a job as a cop because he has the worst attitude towards people ever. He likes fires better now. It sounds kinda perfect for Brendan number one as well because he would probably enjoy playing with his hose almost as much as firing his gun, don't you think? What the crap. I might be related to Brendan number two some day. Oh no, then I'll never get free of Brendan-ness. What the crap guys.
7. Andrew got kicked out of school for smoking drugs. What the crap.
8. I've been fighting with my sister for the last month and I had no idea. What the crap.
9. Last night I had to drive home with a migraine. My arm went numb and I couldn't tell which set of lights I was supposed to be looking at, but Rory is still teasing me because I revved too high when I pulled out of his driveway. Then, when I pulled out of the driveway tonight I stalled the fricking car because I was so self-conscious. What the crap.
10. Lyndsay told me the worst thing I've ever heard and I can't get it out of my head. If I don't laugh I think I'll actually have a nervous breakdown. This is the best year at Ford for laughing until the tears stream down my face, ever. What the crap.
There's more to come, I'm sure. Ford does that to you. I spent half my day today trying to decide how to go about getting a thesis supervisor and the other half deciding what I'll do with the money I save by not paying tuition when I drop out of the honours program. I'm a smart kid. Clearly intelligence isn't my issue--sanity is.
Don't forget to convert. Hostile Wednesdays are way too fun to miss out on them any longer. Cuz I was your anger and you were my fear, and now that it's over of course it's so clear. But you were no angel and I was no sin. But somehow I can't let it go...oh, goo.
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