Sound Bytes

Random musings and conversations from the desk of Wein. Please note, some bytes may be paraphrased. Also, some may be completely fabricated or I may have only had them in my head.

Erin: I quit. And I'm not going back to Ford.
Respondent 1: You lie.
Erin: Fuck you. I was going to write my essay and only half quit but now I have to prove you wrong. So when I fail it will be all your fault.

And the blame I lay will be fierce.

Erin: My tequila line is better.
Respondent 2: But when life give you lemons you should bust out the tequila and salt.
Erin: No, when life gives you lemons you should squeeze the juice into your super soaker and squirt people in the eyes with it.
Respondent 2: Very clever.
Erin: Yes, I take my life with a grain of salt.
Respondent 2: Is that so?
Erin: And a slice of lime.
Erin: And a shot of tequila.
Respondent 2: Now that makes sense.
Erin: It is my motto. That and Fuck Hakuna Matata.
Respondent 2: Because there are always worries.
Erin: Because timon and pumbaa are degenerates who dont know anything about themselves or their true feelings.

Poor Timon and Pumbaa...You know that the world thinks you are falling apart when :

Erin: No my way is funnier.
Respondent 2.1: Of course it is because you are the funniest.

Or:

Erin: Can you fix me?
Respondent 3: Hand me a wrench.
Erin: To hit me with?
Respondent 3: No to tighten up your legs.
Erin: Did you just call me loose?

And finally,

Erin: Well, since you have no love for my butt and my bitterness will either kill me or itself so soon you will have no reason to like me.
Respondent 3: No I like you because you're the smartest person in the world and you're funny as hell.

And no night would be complete without a phone call from Jean, ahem, un/respondent 4:

Erin: So ya, I'm having a really bad day.
Un/Respondent 4: MOM the information is on the back of the package. You should take Benedryl, not Advil if you are itchy.
Erin: No one seems to be listening to me...
Un/Respondent 4: I'm telling you it's right there. You can have the advil if you like. Take two if you think they will help.
Erin: And I just feel really down.
Un/Respondent 4: I'm in NURSING I know what kind of meds you should take...
Erin: I think I'm going to flop with this presentation tomorrow.
Un/Respondent 4: Did I tell you that I got perfect on my psych paper?
Erin: Who is paying the bill for this call?
Un/Respondent 4: Haha, that's what my mom just said. I told her not to worry; you're picking up the tab for this one.


And yet, the best call of the night is to kill that evil bitch by making her drink Draino. The world is a bad influence on me. I'm going to watch the 1:30 version of the Daily Show and then I'm going to finish up my essay and practise my presentation. Because if there is one thing I am really bad at in this world, it is failing. If there are two, it is quitting. Manic March is almost over...as good a time as any to rediscover the wonders of Weinism. Convert. Cuz tonight's the night the world just won't end...again.