What I Forgot

Rory was really proud of me for telling you all about our adventures this weekend but feels that a couple of key moments were glossed over or missed completely.

I wouldn't be here, but there are some things you need to know about my life. These are the things that prove my life is a delicate balance of bitterness and desolation countered by single moments of hilarity:

1. The bookstore fiasco. After Rory and I discovered that we should never be CIBC finders, we strolled up to a bookstore on Front St. to let them know that he was no longer in need of the Neutral Milk Hotel book (because I bought it for him for Christmas). The guy seemed kind of pissy about it, but cancelled Rory's order. We took to looking around some more--we are both poor but even books that you can't afford can be entertaining when you have a few hours to kill. We were standing behind one of the service desks and we heard the guy talking to one of the women who works there, and he was telling her about how Rory came in to cancel his order and she says, "You should call him back and tell him 'Thanks for letting us know eight months later'". And it was hilarious because we were right there. She turned around and saw Rory standing there, and she smiled all dumb at him. He was a perfect gentlemen and didn't laugh in her face.
2. "She's full of just so much love...but me, I'm just full of hatred and paranoia," says The Elected singer. Rory bursts out laughing because I stand there going, "Oh my god! Me too!!" The two of us would get along great. Rory laughed at me because I wanted to be that guy's new best friend and because I was proud of being full of hatred and paranoia.
3. This one guy got up on the stage with the opening suckfest and played with them for a bit. And he was so happy that they let him do that. When The Elected came on he got so excited, he bought a Corona for Mr. hatred and paranoia. But the beer never moved. A couple times we thought it was going to get kicked over, but it just sat there, getting warm and breaking that poor man's heart.
4. Some other guy stole Mike's beer. I don't remember Mike's last name, but Rory can tell you it. He played the guitar. He says, "The local beers are a hit with the locals." And then some kid took it from him and started drinking it. They passed it around...I didn't get any and wouldn't have wanted it if anyone offered it to me.
5. The fire hydrants in Toronto are all yellow. Some of them have odd shapes. I told Rory about how Jean and I are trying to compile a scrapbook of fire hydrants and he said, "Really?" and then I gave him a lecture on listening to me. Because I'm too quick to miss his inattentiveness, the things I say are important. And he says, "Really?" and I don't know what to do with my life again. Then we discussed the problem with people who say "fuck ya" and my (over)reaction to it.
6. Twice at the bar I proved I have been too far removed from arithmetic for too long. I ordered us a couple of whiskey sours and got all angry when I got my change. "How much did he say it cost? 11 something? Why did he only give me back like 8 bucks?" and again, entering the concert, "Rory, I thought she said it was 12 dollars? She's trying to rip me off! I can't believe this she owes me another dollar!" No, no she did not. Funny how it was right around the same amount both times. Rory told me I was bad at numbers so I wasn't allowed to talk about them any more.
7. So on the train ride back to Burlington when I decided our brains weren't cut out for the crossword and moved onto the Sudoku Rory exclaimed, "Erin are you crazy? Numbers hate you today!" Crazy me. How could I forget that?
8. We attempted a crossword at some coffee shop that charged me an arm and half a leg for a square of some sort, but we couldn't remember the name of the spanish clapping deals...and everything I put in Rory was sure was wrong.
9. So we went to a new book store and Rory got all frustrated with me because he kept showing me things and I don't feign enthusiasm well enough. But we found the best book ever...fuck the knot it says, and I agree.
10. We made fun of people for running...people who run are such dorks.
11. It was so fucking cold when we got back to the train station in Burlington that we ran to the car. It was okay because there was no one around to see us and we knew full well that we looked like dorks.
12. Yes, elephant penises. Rory and I look like elephant penises when we run.

The End (?)