Why did the tap dancer retire?

He kept falling in the sink! This blog is dedicated to nonsense, mostly born at Ford or during discussions about Ford.

I don't even know how to begin to explain this one. It's going to be random. It's going to be crazy. Hopefully, it will be freaking amazing (but I wouldn't hold my breath--mostly because I'm afraid of dying).

1. "Wa-bam"--in reference to my buttocks. My butt's famous at Ford nowadays. It's freaking weird. Cheryl Barrow told Rory that I'm great because I'm "so little, and then it's just like wa-bam: there's [my] butt!" She calls me booty butt. It would be one thing if she was the first, but she's like the fifth. I feel like I need to invest in a cape or something to cover myself up and stop the madness. Very few people who I trust much will comment on the situation. I mostly get patronizing condolences a la: "Your butt is just lovely, Smyth". Can't even get my name right, those crazies.
2. Let's talk about this "Smyth" business. Yesterday Rory made me a nametag, and it read: "Hello, I am a Smyth-osaurus" and if you flipped the bottom down it said, "Grrrrrrrrrrrrr". I don't know why Rory calls me Smyth, but I know he likes it. The main problem is why everyone else calls me Smyth. I think it might be easier to yell. Is it? At any rate, it is better than the other nicknames that have been (thankfully) abandoned: He-man, Teensy, and all the rest.
3. Bradyisms: I wanted to dedicate a whole blog to this, but I think a few lines will suffice. Brady is famous for saying things like "Right on, brother!" n shit. He is also famous for getting everyone riled up about the weirdest things. Today he was singing the Washington song (that is, he was talking about George Washington's 30 penises) and I said, "Oh no, not that song again. I thought we were over this song" and he replied, "No fuckin' way, man. This shit is makin' a come back!" And then I quit. Brady will be greatly missed when he leaves at the end of next week. He is a stabilizing force in our crazy group, and I really don't know what we'll do without him. Really. For real though. I mean it. I don't know. Know what I'm sayin? That's all I'm sayin' though.
4. A Walk to Remember. Rory and I went down to the beach Sunday night for our usual, I-missed-you-so-much-while-it-was-the-weekend madness. It was his idea: he wanted to watch the tide come in. There was no tide, but we did get to walk across the scary bridge and we found out that the RED lighthouse is on the side that doesn't require you be shit your pants crossing the life bridge. Not that I shit, ever: I was shot, it's like an appendix, it's just decoration.
5. It feels so nice against my body. Mark is a weirdo. I gave him a blue and black blanket and he didn't say, "What will I do with it?" or "It kinda looks like a bruise." He said, "I hope it feels good against my body." And then he came and assured me today that it did.
6. Whipped Dip. I love words that get me giggling. One of my new favourite people at Ford is named Cynthia Duchene and we had a moment during last break today: we simultaneously recognized the awkwardness of our situation, and burst out laughing. We just got made fun of. But it was hilarious.
7. I keep freaking messing up these numbers. Number 7 is always a little slow anyway. Aren't you glad you're wasting your life on this now?
8. French Bradyisms. Fuckin Jim unh? 'e wants everyone to come to 'is party, but no body comes, and what does 'e do? 'e fuckin dies so everyone will 'ave to come to 'is fuckin party. What a fuckin ass'ole unh? If Jim wasn't already fuckin' dead I'd fuckin kick 'is fuckin ass. You know what I'm sayin, unh? UNH?? UNH???
9. Japan is as bad as Bramalea. It's official: an entire country (that I have never visited) has failed me. Japan sent the WRONG part. We waited 10 days for our new transmission, and Japan sent the wrong one. Why was the transmission in Japan you ask? Let me know when you have an answer that doesn't include a look that suggests I'm an idiot for not knowing that "it's a Mazda transmission" and that should explain freaking everything.
10. I think my brother is a drug dealer. He was talking about it. He needs money. His msn name says that he found some crack. Oh good. This should be fun.

Good night and good luck with your decodations, young detectives.