Holy Ford Phobia and the Reunion of Ranting Weinists

Did you really think that after 4 months, I'd be so broken I wouldn't have any strength left to rant? Silly kids...I won't go gentle into any nights (good, bad, or ugly). Ford fuelled my rage and I am here now to set up the schedule of rants for days to come. Bear in mine, spontaneous outbursts are fully qualified in Weinism as long as they can be related (however obscurely) to an incident taking place in, on, or around a Hostile Wednesday. Excited yet?? You better be! Here's the line-up as I see it shaping up:

• Holy Ford Phobia--First order of business is spreading the bitterness bestowed upon me by my gracious and evil ( not to mention schadenfreude) employer. With the aching hostility granted to me by the recent airing of The Corporation in my living room, we'll try to wrap that one up by the end of the day, if my head doesn't explode first.
• DQ Disasters--subtitled "Lyndsay just get a freakin job at DQ so I can have free ice cream! You could be their leader!!" Look forward to such gem-like quotes as "Mmm, Dennis, your blizzard looks like it tastes better than mine..." and "There is no way this thing is upsidedown thick."
• Road Rage--Dennis has inspired me to enroll myself in an anger management course. Or was it the scratchy feeling I have in my throat from the larangitus (how in the hell do you spell that affliction?) I developed from screaming at all those Intrepid Drunks.
• Drinking Team Disbandment--What a shameful array of pettiness and cold-hearted cruelty. Jerks.
• Fantastic Fan--An ode to 5% and laziness. (So, technically this is another Ford rant, but it needs to be a separate one, okay?)
• Blossom City Baby--Good news...General Chicken is back as the lunch special. So dry your tears, Dennis, there is hope left in the world for you yet.
• Second Cup Sass--A tale of tragic and comedic appeal--ON ICE for the love of Peter and his starving children!
• Anti-Eminem--This one's all for you, Brendan. If you actually want to see it come to fruition, tell me. Otherwise, I'm saving it for those nights you think that all we need is a good theological debate to chase our boredom blues away.
• Ad-mania must die--Holy crap, they've stooped to posting ads for auto lending on as comments for this piece of crap blog. What is the world coming to?

Without a lot of further ado (because I have nothing if I don't my ado) we'll get started on the Ford ranting.

Ford was a joke. Just one giant joke. From the time we got there until the time we left, I never stopped laughing (silently, in my heart of hearts). Jeff says it was like Groundhog Day...and it was, even more than he knows. I think I said it best in my sleepless stupor the first day they made me switch to the 6 am shift: "It's like I live at Ford. Or with Ford. Like Ford is an abusive husband and I am being beaten to an inch of my sanity by it, and I can't leave because I have no where to go. Except I don't think abusive husbands pay their wives this much. That would make them whores. Oh god, I'm Ford's whore." And most of that was silent and in my heart of hearts too where I was laughing, but it wasn't that funny then either. And you're probably terrified now. No? Well then let's continue...

Have you ever had a shock absorber drop on your head? No, but I fell through my share of unsafe beds, and got pinned between two pieces of sheet metal...Oh, the excitement.

Turns out I'm rather tired, ladies and gents. But I will say this: I am so over Ford that if Ford was the moon, I would be over it in another galaxy. I hate analogies too. Fucking apples. Fucking corporate psychopaths. Fucking movie got me so riled I'm not gonna sleep for days..."Oh, wait til the water part, that'll really piss you off."

On that note...some goo for your trouble? You and I got something but it's all and then it's nothing to meYEA...yea. And I got my defenses when it comes to your intentions for meYEA...yea. And we wake up in the breakdown of the things we never thought we could beYEA...yea. I'm not the one who broke you. I'm not the one you should fear. What have you got to move you, darling? I thought I lost you somewhere but you were never really ever there at all.