Long weekend--in the figurative as well as literal sense. In fact, I wonder if I really had a "week" in between because I seemed to go right from one weekend to the next with just a jumble of random unweekly events crammed in between. Friday did mark the arrival of a very special guest (no, not Aunt Flo), by train, around 7:30. I believe his first words were, "What the fuck? Why is there snow?" Followed closely by, "Oh my god, I sat beside the fattest guy I've ever seen on the train..." What a perfect way to set up my "random things that people say that make me laugh or question whether there is any real meaning in life" blog. Fascinating stuff we'll be getting into here, folks.
But first, I'm going to take advantage of the space I have here to get a certain something off of my chest. Today was the worst day ever. I lost my bus pass; and you know how I feel about public transit in general so you know that I was not off to a good start. I sucked it up and paid the fare because I had a presentation at 11:30 for my very favourite (read worst ever) class on Gulliver's Travels Book One and Two. The presentation was supposed to be sixty minutes long and I had put some extensive work into it. Nervous, as you might expect, I got to class with time to spare and talked to my partner a bit.
Now, here is the kicker. I was presenting second, for thirty minutes straight because my partner didn't want to bother rehearsing the presentation or comparing notes or anything of the sort. However, she did tell our prof that we wished to be graded together instead of receiving separate grades based on our individual contributions and presentation styles. And she sucked. I don't mean she was not really that great, I mean she really blew chunks. She just stood there reading her notes for thirty minutes straight about the wrong sections of the book and then she finally let me have my time. I knew I had to do some extensive damage control so I turned every statement I was prepared to make into a question to involve the class and pounded home my points with a dedication I didn't know I was capable of exhibiting.
Then I sat through the rest of the class and waited. I wasn't sure if we were being graded together or not so my hopes were still high that I would pull off a decent mark. We were to meet Zeitz after class in the lobby downstairs. I had to pee so bad it was not even funny, but I didn't want to keep her waiting so I crossed my legs and held my breath. After some ado, (though not much ado really) Zeitz sat us down and broke the news to us. We almost failed. In fact, after the first half of the presentation, Zeitz wasn't sure what she was going to do because there was nothing for her to use to formulate a relevant grade. In fact, I was the saving grace of the presentation. Everything I did was perfect, insightful, right on the money. So we were both getting a 72.
What kind of corrupt, inconsiderate, boneheaded system are we working under? How, tell me, how does something like this happen? How does a failing grade become a 72 and a perfect grade get the same treatment? Why am I getting the royal screw job, again? Why is someone I barely know benefitting from my hard work? Why am I suffering for someone else's idiocy? And, of course, I came to this conclusion: because that is life and life kinda sucks.
So, we're back to quitting again. But why bother with that either? Let life end when it will. Hang on. Or let go. Whatever. Let's get to the random quotes bit.
- "Holy hangover, Batman! Where are your keys? I'm going in the hot tub." Imagine my reaction to that one for a little laugh.
- "If you will just touch it once I will die a happy man because I will be able to say that I saw you do it." Don't let your imagination run too wild with that one. It's not nearly as kinky as it might sound.
- "White coats are going to be all the rage this year." Followed by my assertion that my pink coat was way nicer than all of the white coats because it was almost the same but more pink. Followed by confused looks because the coat I was wearing was definitely black.
- "Well, I started to feel better but then I drank a lot of milk..." And Jeff says, "I told you so!" Puking milk has got to be one of the worst calls of life.
- "I think I am addicted to pain killers." Of all the things in the world to get addicted to...I don't think that's what I'd choose.
- "Do you want some Malibu?" asks the girl standing in front of us in line at the bar, holding out a decrepit water bottle.
- "My girlfriend is just getting us a couple drinks. She'll be back any minute," pointing to me in an effort to use his little sister to ward of the bar hoes.
- "The casino was the biggest disappointment ever. I only went there to smoke and look at the waterfall. I quit smoking. Why did they have to take out the waterfall? Why?"
It is hard to pick random quotes when I can't include myself in the melange. (Ooh, a french word!) I would also like to randomly include song lyrics but something tells me that annoys the world. Well, I can't explain glacial motion. But everybodywantstobejustlikeme. Do you know why? You better. Convert.
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