The Problem with Life

I've boiled it down to one very simple and unsolvable dilemma: goodbyes. Then I wrote you a delightful essay on it. Do you think that's a sign that it's November?

I spend a lot of time thinking (in case you haven't noticed), and I've only been able to come up with one definite conclusion: I hate goodbyes. To be fair, some goodbyes are better than others; but on the hole they may just be the very bane of my existence. Let us explore this idea further, shall we? First and foremost, goodbyes can be categorized and then described succinctly with two words (only to be further explained with several more):

• Break-ups: Emotionally draining. They are the goodbyes that are tainted the most by denial because of that age old phrase, "We'll still be friends, though, right?" I have avoided these kinds of goodbyes splendidly for the last 20 years...well, more like 3 but you get my meaning. For those of you less practical than myself, my heart goes out to you.
• Moving on: Bitter sweet. These goodbyes cause the most conflict because whether you are the one leaving or you are the one being left behind, you know full well that things will never be the same. And that really smarts.
• Moving away: Major denial. The problem with moving away is that false hope that nothing will change because no one is "moving on," the distance between you and the rest is just being altered. Moving away goodbyes are easier to deal with if they're piggy-backing a moving on goodbye, as was the case with Katrina. She went to Korea, but she went because she was done school. The promise of return makes moving away goodbyes harder too because the timeline is never very clear.
• To Bad Rubbish: Good riddance. You know the kind I mean. These are the goodbyes that happen because you can't technically "break up" with your friends. And these goodbyes are about friends, not enemies because you don't ever say goodbye to people you hate: you avert your eyes and run away from them at the first opportunity. To me, these are maybe the worst kind of goodbyes since they are often left unsaid. They are the "and one day she just stopped talking to me" goodbyes. In many ways, they are the most necessary. They are the strangest version of "moving on" goodbyes. They happen because of necessity, but they seem so painfully inexplicable.

Now that we've cleared that up, maybe you can see why goodbyes are the problem with life. Everybody has to deal with them at some point in some way--even hermits. Hermits take goodbying to the extreme: they say goodbye to everyone all at once and never say hello to anybody ever again. And like so many things in life, goodbyes are highly misunderstood. The problems of goodbyes are pinned on loneliness, when loneliness is just a symptom of a bad goodbye, or many bad goodbyes as the case may be.

You may wish to argue the converse: the problem is not bad goodbyes, but a lack of hellos. I, however, try to avoid negative thinking whenever possible. Don't blame the absence of something when the problem can be explained as a presence of something else. As in the example with the hermit, however, you need to recognize how goodbyes and hellos interact to get to the root of this thesis.

There's the problem--laid out for your inspection. But where is the solution? I don't know. There may be no solution to the sound of this polution in meYEA. I think the most important thing to take away from this is the fact that goodbyes are universal, and inevitably linked to so many other aspects of life. I've already shown you how goodbyes are linked to loneliness, but what about something slightly more obscure? How about...writing an essay? Well, that's actually pretty easy to link. You see, you know that you have to say goodbye to your work at some point...finish it up and send it off into the world. Thus, writing an essay links to moving on goodbyes, and occasionally good riddance goodbyes. See how that works out?

Goodbyes actually prove to be a really complex problem because of their relationship to so many other things. With all that said, they are still very important. That song "don't say goodbye, say so long" doesn't sit right with me. The finality of goodbye is its most important attribute. You may think, with that in mind, that I've forgotten death goodbyes, but to me they don't count. Dead people can't hear you say goodbye, so the closure you seek from saying goodbye is just a performative action for your own benefit (Yay, Butler). It doesn't quite fit the goodbye mould. If you know what I mean. Goodbyes must have a purpose and an impact, or they become something else. I don't know what else.

And finally, a word on good riddance goodbyes. I don't want to show any favoritism, but I genuinely believe that these are the bitterest goodbyes. The optimism (or denial if you like) of the other goodbyes doesn't exist in this case. You have to give up something you love because being near it causes you distress. They are also usually decided at midnight in a drunk stupor. It may sound juvenile, but some days I genuinely trust my drunken self more than my sober self--so here we are. Usually, these goodbyes are just decisions that we make and never speak. That is why I always say, if you really make me mad you'll never know it. I just sever the tie and accept that things will never be the same again. Ironically, good riddance goodbyes are also the most likely to be reversed properly. I don't usually believe in going back, but maybe today we could put the past away. Probably not.

Well, don't get lonely now.