What is Wonderful (Because I'm Sarcastic)

Christmas always puts me in this most fucked up of moods: one moment I'm reflective, and grave even; the next I'm thinking that Mike's light tastes exactly (and I do mean exactly) like the vomit I tasted so many times when I drank too many smirnoffs. How fucked is that? This entry looks at what is wonderful (because I'm sarcastic) and what is terrible (because I can't even muster the sarcasm to make these things seem remotely wonderful).

Part One: Tongue in cheek, the heroine tells you what is wonderful in her life.
There are some things that are just about beyond words. They are the things that keep writers writing and painters painting--because the thrill of capturing their essential goodness is so exhilariating it cannot be ignored. Most things are not so hot though, and it is only our sarcastic love of them that makes them even worth mentioning.

1. This fucking french game on which Dennis got me hooked (I was going to say "that Dennis got me hooked on" but lately I have been extra sensitive about prepositions.) It told me at least ten times that I am as stupid as Paris Hilton in a truly sarcastic and berating manner. It hurt my feelings. I can't stop playing it. PS I kicked Dennis's ass because I got over 30 seconds and his best is 26.836.
2. Christmas. Everyone else seemed to get a wad of cash. I got a bunch of things I was going to buy myself but my mom bought me instead. Life is wonderful.
3. Who needs to go to school at Georgian? Jeff's tuition receipt was returned. Fuck, I don't even know what that means, but apparently he will be returning to Barrie as of early January. "To do what?" you ask. "Fuck if I know, " I respond.
4. I broke our engagement present. Clean break at least. The "me" on the porcelein figurine just came off, and so did the "Shane" arm. Precious Moments figurines are cuter anyhow, and I much prefer my mother (and Amanda's) engagement present(s)--BOOZE.
5. Chocolate fucking cake. I love these two minute wonders. I'm eating chocolate cake that I "baked" less than 3 minutes ago. It may cause cancer, but god damn it is delcious.

Part two: In which the heroine tells you that which is not so very hot about her life (in case you were starting to think you should disown her on account of the fact that her life is too wonderful for her to need your guidance.)

1. Everything else. Absolutely everything else.

But at least I have my health, right? And a positive outlook. Clearly.

Holy How Long Has it Been?

December is here and Christmas is coming. The goose is getting fat. So how long HAS it been? There's no telling, but I know we have a lot of catching up to do.

The Big Day
I don't like to tell stories in any normal, linear order; too modernist...too progressive. So here goes the backwards way.
I say, "So how is life, Mark?" (I'm at Ford...just try to imagine how desparate for cash I must be)
Mark responds, "Oh it isn't so bad. School isn't that interesting but I like being there...I would ask you the same thing but I already know the answer--sparkle sparkle."
First of all: yes, this is why I love Mark the most of all. Secondly, yes, he is referring to my engagement ring. Holy crow--I'm getting married!

Did You Say you Were at Ford??
I did and I was. So I shall be on Friday. Wish me luck. I need all the help I can get.

Thesis Madness
I explained my thesis to Shane on Friday night and he looked at me like, "Well, yeah..." Four months in the making and that's all I get. More to come. Don't forget, if you can make it I have my thesis presentation in March. I think it might kill me...all those people...all those eyes.

A Game Involving Balls
Rory is a terrible person. He told me to be nice to his girlfriend, then got mad when I didn't hate her. He also introduced me to "A game involving balls". I'm addicted. I'm so screwed for the rest of my life because he can get like a million bigillion points and I am always poo. It totally sucks.

The Paletta
Sorry to say it, but the one place that I really want to have my wedding allows me to have almost no guests. IE I have to invite the family first, and they take up more than 95% of the seats. I yi yi. On to plan number 27. Let me know if you want to see my dress choices. Then you can all beat up Jean for being difficult and disliking the colour. Jerkstore.

You and I got something but it's all and then it's nothing to me YEA...yea.